Warning: eBay Archtop Prototype Scam

[ianj5150]

Heads up, guys,

this auction on the 'bay

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ih=020&sspagename=STRK%3AMEWA%3AIT&viewitem=&item=300071372798&rd=1&rd=1

is a scam. Archtop Artist Prototype #10 belongs to a buddy of mine. This listing is a copy of the one that he did for it on eBay UK a year ago and pulled. I warned eBay over 24 hours ago, but they'd done nothing :mad:

Can someone please put a link to this thread on TGP? I don't have a handle over there. Don't want anyone to get suckered.

[Semi-Hollow]

If you are 100% sure, I suggest you log on and bid $1,000,000 for it

That way you will foil his plan until Ebay deals with him, I’m sure they get 100's o queries that they need to investigate thoroughly

[ianj5150]

If you are 100% sure, I suggest you log on and bid $1,000,000 for it

That way you will foil his plan until Ebay deals with him, I’m sure they get 100's o queries that they need to investigate thoroughlyIt still has a day left, but if it gets close to the line I probably will. And yes, I am sure that it's the same guitar. There's only one Archtop Artist Proto #10, and those are even my pal's pics of it.

It looks like the 'seller' has suffered an account hijacking. I hate these thieving, scamming SoBs.

[lbw]

From the auction:

Payment by Bank Wire Transfer only. Thanks.

That always sends off alarm bells with me. Otherwise, it truely does look legitimate. None of the other tell-tale hijack or chinese scams attributes.

[qwer]

From the auction:

Payment by Bank Wire Transfer only. Thanks.

That always sends off alarm bells with me. alarm bells ????........on stuff I sell on eBay I only accept Bank Wire Transfer

- no checks that don't clear
- no fraudulent paypal/CC chargebacks

etc. etc.

[Cross]

Ask the seller for a picture of the back of the headstock, along with the serial number, and perhaps that would definitely confirm your suspicions. Just a suggestion, unless the seller is refusing to give away that piece of information.

[lbw]

alarm bells ????........on stuff I sell on eBay I only accept Bank Wire Transfer

- no checks that don't clear
- no fraudulent paypal/CC chargebacks

etc. etc.
http://pages.ebay.com/securitycenter/mrkt_safety/instantcashtransfer.html

[MoJo JoJoe]

... Can someone please put a link to this thread on TGP? I don't have a handle over there. Don't want anyone to get suckered.
Thanks for looking out for everyone Ian. I've done as you requested....
http://www.thegearpage.net/board/showthread.php?p=2027571#post2027571

[mykewright]

Ask the seller for a picture of the back of the headstock, along with the serial number, and perhaps that would definitely confirm your suspicions. Just a suggestion, unless the seller is refusing to give away that piece of information.I've already asked the supposed seller for what type of strings are fitted (flatwound/roundwound), what gauge and how low the action is. Haven't had a response yet.




Then I can check his answers against the real one, sitting here next to me. I should know, I only set it up a couple of days ago :D

Unfortunately it's not mine. But it's a real privilege to work on such wonderful guitars :dude:

[tms13pin]

Of course, it's a "McCartHy" model!

--Tom

[Khud]

The crappy thing here is that eBay just started a new policy "protecting" bidders identities ... so now you cannot simply send a warning message to the high bidder. Some protection, huh?

Bad move eBay ... very bad move.

[rosewoodsteel]

The crappy thing here is that eBay just started a new policy "protecting" bidders identities ... so now you cannot simply send a warning message to the high bidder. Some protection, huh?

Bad move eBay ... very bad move.+100 :dude:
This new bidder identity thing protects selling scammers. You can not see if the same schill (-10 Sp) has bid up the sellers recent auctions. You can not contact folks when they are bidding on a scam.
The only thing positive that it does is rid the unsuspecting of the "2nd Chance Offer" emails. (Something that most of us ignore anyway.)
I don't like it, myself. It just takes away one of our checks and balances in my opinion.

[qwer]

http://pages.ebay.com/securitycenter/mrkt_safety/instantcashtransfer.htmlBank Wire Transfer has nothing to do with the Money Transer of Western Union or MoneyGram. Bank Wire Transfer is Bank to Bank. If you don't know how it works I suggest you ask your bank.

[ianj5150]

Well, evilBay neither contacted me nor pulled the auction, so I'm going to blow it up with a silly bid. It'll be interesting to see what happens.

[Lyle Long]

The shop I work at had McCarty Archtop Artist Proto #9. We got it because Paul wanted us to have it. Anyway, while it was in stock, we watched an Ebay Auction go up for McCarty Archtop Top Artist Proto #9.

The fact this auction does not show the back of the headstock or the hang tag should set warning bells off.

[Khud]

Well, evilBay neither contacted me nor pulled the auction, so I'm going to blow it up with a silly bid. It'll be interesting to see what happens.
Well, you did the RIGHT thing Ian. It was all you could do.

Now ... I hope the thief (scammer is too kind a word, lets call a spade a spade here) does not ruin your perfect feedback. Thats the down side. That plus the fact he will probably just run the auction again.

eBay is REALLY losing their grip.

Good Job Ian

[ianj5150]

I won the auction and the SoB sent me an invoice and wiring info. He's in Russia. Any thoughts on what I should do? eBay are as useless as a one-legged man at an ass kicking contest.

[ZielGuitarist]

Russia? I thought his location was in the US. Ask him why he lied about his loc on ebay...

[Halsey]

Request a pic of your name written on a piece of paper stuck through the guitar strings. Fellow BAMer CM did this for me when I bought a guitar from him, before I PayPaled him money. He said he always did that to confirm that the guitar exists, and I thought it was a great idea.

If he can't provide it, you can use that in any eBay dispute that may follow. Worst case, what is one negative feedback... you can always reply to it publicly on your account, and state that the seller would not provide proof of the item sold before you wired payment. I'm sure any one you would ever do business with again on eBay would understand that.

Best of luck to you.

[Halsey]

Russia? I thought his location was in the US. Ask him why he lied about his loc on ebay...

That is all you need to get away clean. I would be proactive and file an eBay dispute against the seller for that reason alone. You have no reason to send money to some one in Russia when you of course "bid" to win an item from the United States.

[ianj5150]

Request a pic of your name written on a piece of paper stuck through the guitar strings. Fellow BAMer CM did this for me when I bought a guitar from him, before I PayPaled him money. He said he always did that to confirm that the guitar exists, and I thought it was a great idea.

If he can't provide it, you can use that in any eBay dispute that may follow. Worst case, what is one negative feedback... you can always reply to it publicly on your account, and state that the seller would not provide proof of the item sold before you wired payment. I'm sure any one you would ever do business with again on eBay would understand that.

Best of luck to you.Yeah, a neg feedback was always the risk here. Better than someone getting scammed, though; small price to pay.

(Not wishing to come over like St Ian or something :) )

[ianj5150]

Latest update.

I've emailed eBay again yesterday morning, explaining the situation. Their policy says that they'll respond within 24 hrs, but it seems that their concept of 24 hrs is different from mine.

In the meantime, I get this from our Russian friend:

Hi, do you receive my messages? Will you pay for guitar? Please let me know ASAP.
Thank you.

[_pete_]

Latest update.


I've emailed eBay again yesterday morning, explaining the situation. Their policy says that they well respond within 24 hrs, but it seems that their concept of 24 hrs is different from mine.

In the meantime, I get this from our Russian friend:

Hi, do you receive my messages? Will you pay for guitar? Please let me know ASAP.
Thank you.

Email him a picture with today's date on it of you holding the guitar and giving him the finger.

[ZielGuitarist]

+1 if for no other reason then laugh value.

[Peter]

Latest update.

I've emailed eBay again yesterday morning, explaining the situation. Their policy says that they well respond within 24 hrs, but it seems that their concept of 24 hrs is different from mine.

In the meantime, I get this from our Russian friend:

Hi, do you receive my messages? Will you pay for guitar? Please let me know ASAP.
Thank you. I like this message: it begs to be read aloud with a thick Russian accent.

If for some reason the result of all this is a negative feedback to you, won't it go away when the Ebay judges the auction to be fraudulent? DOn't they just erase the whole thing from memory?

[Brownbear]

**** ebay!

[ianj5150]

Update: I got an email from him, asking if I'd sent the wire. I replied that I sent it today. I expect that he'll be cracking open the vodka in eager anticipation of $5000 landing in his bank account. I told him to email me when it arrives. I'm enjoying this... :)

[ianj5150]

Well, the latest is that he asked me for a copy of the wiring information. This is probably to put his mind at rest that I have sent the money, and/or to get my bank info. So, I scanned in a old wire that went to Willcutt, and left the rest to my buddy Mike (mykewright) and his legendary skills with photoshop. And hey presto...

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f47/ianjackson5150/Archtop_wire.jpg

All of my info is ficticious. I love Mike's addition of the L tiomy name, and the sort code. This is the email that I sent with it:


Hi,

A scan of the wire document is attached. Sorry for the delay, I don't have a scanner myself, so I had to use a friends. Please send the pictures of the guitar to this email address. I can hardly believe I won the guitar, I've never even seen an Archtop Artist before, let alone a Prototype. Wow!

Let me know when the wire hits your account. It could be anytime between now and Tuesday. Then I'll let you know where the guitar can go.

All the best,

Ian.

[Adam Spencer]

Funny, you've never struck me as a 36-24-36 kind of a guy, more 26-26-26...

[rosewoodsteel]

We, the latest is that he asked me for a copy of the wiring information. This is probably to put his mind at rest that I have sent the money, and/or to get my bank info. So, I scanned in a old wire that went to Willcutt, and left the rest to my buddy Mike (mykewright) and his legendary skills with photoshop. And hey presto...

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f47/ianjackson5150/Archtop_wire.jpg

All of my info is ficticious. I love Mike's addition of the L tiomy name, and the sort code. This is the email that I sent with it:


Hi,

A scan of the wire document is attached. Sorry for the delay, I don't have a scanner myself, so I had to use a friends. Please send the pictures of the guitar to this email address. I can hardly believe I won the guitar, I've never even seen an Archtop Artist before, let alone a Prototype. Wow!

Let me know when the wire hits your account. It could be anytime between now and Tuesday. Then I'll let you know where the guitar can go.

All the best,

Ian.
This whole thing is cracking me up :dude:

[ianj5150]

It looks like the fake wire slip worked! It would appear that he's fallen for it hook, line and sinker. Just got this email, and a picture of the back of the headstock, that I didn't know was in the public domain. I think it was actually part of the legitimate eBay auction for this guitar, about a year ago. He's not stupid, this boy. Anyway, he just wrote:

Hi, thanks for the copy, here the picture of the back of headstock.

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f47/ianjackson5150/DSCN00432.jpg

I've replied:

Great, thank you. At least I'm now certain that you really do have the guitar. After I sent the wire, a friend told me that I was too trusting, sending all that money without proof that you had it, especially as it's the first time that I've bought such an expensive guitar. But I'm happy now.

What does it sound like? Can you give me your thoughts? I can't wait to play it.

[briankinney]

It looks like the fake wire slip worked! It would appear that he's fallen for it hook, line and sinker. Just got this email, and a picture of the back of the headstock, that I didn't know was in the public domain. I think it was actually part of the legitimate eBay auction for this guitar, about a year ago. He's not stupid, this boy. Anyway, he just wrote:

Hi, thanks for the copy, here the picture of the back of headstock.

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f47/ianjackson5150/DSCN00432.jpg

I've replied:

Great, thank you. At least I'm now certain that you really do have the guitar. After I sent the wire, a friend told me that I was too trusting, sending all that money without proof that you had it, especially as it's the first time that I've bought such an expensive guitar. But I'm happy now.

What does it sound like? Can you give me your thoughts? I can't wait to play it.
WTF did he sharpie that **** on? AHHAHA

[ianj5150]

WTF did he sharpie that **** on? AHHAHAThat actually is a picture of the back of the headstock of the guitar. Not the neatest writing that PRS have done.

[briankinney]

That actually is a picture of the back of the headstock of the guitar. Not the neatest writing that PRS have done.
I thought you said you owned the only proto #10? Man, mind me Im having a huge brain fart.

[ianj5150]

I thought you said you owned the only proto #10? Man, mind me Im having a huge brain fart.Well, it belongs to a friend of mine. This Russian clown has ripped an eBay auction for it from about a year ago.

[briankinney]

Well, it belongs to a friend of mine. This Russian clown has ripped an eBay auction for it from about a year ago.
DOH! Now I get it...keep posting up on this man, you had me laughing with the photoshopped scan!

[ianj5150]

DOH! Now I get it...keep posting up on this man, you had me laughing with the photoshopped scan!
Hehe. I have a grin from ear to ear, thinking of this loser sitting in Russia, now completely convinced that $5230 is about to land in his account any day now. I wonder how much vodka that'll buy? Anyway, I'll drag this out for as long as I can before I drop the bombshell on him :D

[tmoore]

... I'll drag this out for as long as I can before I drop the bombshell on him :D
Never fess up. Just insist he send the guitar, over and over and over. You 'know' he's got the money, no excuses, ship it or you're calling the CIA, or FBI or whoever investigates terrorist funding.

[ianj5150]

Never fess up. Just insist he send the guitar, over and over and over. You 'know' he's got the money, no excuses, ship it or you're calling the CIA, or FBI or whoever investigates terrorist funding.
LOL. Great idea, actually. Now that he's hooked, I certainly intend to make him squirm. A lot. After this wire 'fails' I think I'll send him another. I should be able to get this to go on into March.

[AndrewC]

Could always turn it up a notch. A Russian business associate of yours has offered to send some of his security guards round to collect the guitar for you...;)

[Brownbear]

This is good entertainment!

Thanks guys! Keep it comming, it is almost as funny as reading about Ed Roman. Maybe this russian guy could become one of Ed's sales-persons?

[lbw]

This is all fun and games Ian until you're drinking tea laced with Polonium-201..

[George Johnson]

This is all fun and games Ian until you're drinking tea laced with Polonium-201..
Well, there's a light-hearted slant. :rolleyes:

[ianj5150]

This is all fun and games Ian until you're drinking tea laced with Polonium-201.. I glow in the dark anyway, so would I notice the difference?

[mykewright]

The Polonium-201 isn't too bad. Anyway, it's probably not real Polonium, only theatre Polonium, comes right out of the fur with Woolite!



But that Polonium-210, that's a bastard. Get's all over your clothes, on the sofa.......everywhere....;) :D

[lbw]

A pasty pommie moon tan doesn't count as being phosphorescent.. ;)

Good luck to you for taking this guy on btw.

[ianj5150]

A pasty pommie moon tan doesn't count as being phosphorescent.. ;)

Good luck to you for taking this guy on btw.Thank you :)

[briankinney]

I glow in the dark anyway, so would I notice the difference?hahaha!!!


http://www.nedcf.com/host/files/1/bam_1.jpg

Just some image I found from google images...and slapped a outerglow in photoshop on it...I'm so cool!! haha.

I got bored ;)

[Scott Rosenberger]

hahaha!!!


http://www.nedcf.com/host/files/1/bam_1.jpg

Just some image I found from google images...and slapped a outerglow in photoshop on it...I'm so cool!! haha.

I got bored ;)

That kinda looks like Jo's avatar with Glow

[Jo]

That kinda looks like Jo's avatar with GlowExcept my avatar rocks!
:dude:

[ianj5150]

hahaha!!!


http://www.nedcf.com/host/files/1/bam_1.jpg

Just some image I found from google images...and slapped a outerglow in photoshop on it...I'm so cool!! haha.

I got bored ;)
I almost choked on my own tongue!!!! Absolutely wicked, Brian!! :D

[ianj5150]

We have an update. The 'wire' was due to land in our Russian friend's account on Tuesday, but obviously it didn't. I emailed him a couple of times asking if he had it, and now he's replied:

Hi, sorry for delay, still not receive your payment, please dont worry, it means you will get it back in few days, its because of wrong details, so please let me know when you get it, and I will email you details. Regards, Tracey.

So, Tracey/Sergry thinks that the wire has bounced and will return for me to resend it. Time to see how greedy he is...

Hi Tracey,

Damn! I was hoping that this would go through without a snag. However, the money bouncing back to me might give us an opportunity. I'm thinking of starting a little collection of high end guitars, now that I have some money to spend after years of playing Squires and stuff. I wondered if you have anything else for sale? If you have and it's something that I like, then perhaps we could agree a price and we could save on shipping costs if you post the two (or maybe more!) together.

All the best,

Ian.

[Jo]

Seems like he's not too fussed to get the money from you. Maybe he's starting to get scared because he knows he doesn't have the guitar.

You've got to do something like make him take a photo with a doily on his head or something!!! :dude: :dude:

[ianj5150]

Seems like he's not too fussed to get the money from you. Maybe he's starting to get scared because he knows he doesn't have the guitar.

You've got to do something like make him take a photo with a doily on his head or something!!! :dude: :dude:
Looks like he's going to get me to wire money to a different account. This should be interesting.

I'm trying to figure out a plausible photo-op for him. Just not sure what, though.

[ianj5150]

Update. I got this the other day:

Hi Ian, I don’t have any guitar yet. But I will let you know if I will. Please let me know when you get your payment back.
Regards,
Tracey

I just sent:

Hi Tracey, the money is back. Can you let me have the correct wire instructions, please? Please make sure that they are correct, I'm so excited about getting the guitar. Ian.

[briankinney]

Update. I got this the other day:

Hi Ian, I don’t have any guitar yet. But I will let you know if I will. Please let me know when you get your payment back.
Regards,
Tracey

I just sent:

Hi Tracey, the money is back. Can you let me have the correct wire instructions, please? Please make sure that they are correct, I'm so excited about getting the guitar. Ian.Is she saying she doesnt have it?? Hi Ian, I don’t have any guitar yet. Her english is pretty cracked...so disreguard me if I'm sounding like a complete bafoon :)

[matrisequencer]

Haha this is really hilarious...
But I will let you know if I will.
Suuuuure... hehehe... Maybe that should have been the point where you should have emailed her that for getting hold of that guitar to get in contact with Mr. Mike Wright etc etc pp :D :D :D

[ianj5150]

Update:

Tracey/Sergry/Alexey sent:

Hi Ian, did you receive the instructions? Did you do the wire?

Thanks,
Tracey

I replied:

Hi Tracey,

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you, I was at a swinger's party and it went on for 48 hours! I sent the wire on Tuesday, so you should have it early next week.

Ian.

[Brownbear]

Funny! Now that's a great excuse!

[Jo]

Ian time to ask for more pics of the guitar. Maybe they can take a pic of it with Tracey's underwear on the headstock?

[ianj5150]

Update:

Last week, I (inevitably) got this from him:

Hi thanks a lot for update, could you please email me copy of transfer paper?

Thank you,
Tracey

So I got another old Willcutt's wire paper and emailed it to Mike for some 'modifications'. Notice how the names of the cashier and the authorisor have been changed, to pay homage to SPS's unbeatable scam-busting thread here.

I have just sent it to him with this:


Tracey,

Please find the wire info attached. Please let me know what it's arrived. It must get through to you this time. I seem to have been talking to you for so long that I'm beginning to feel that I know you! I don't suppose that you have a picture of yourself that you can send me, do you? I'd love to 'see' who it is that I'm doing business with! I'll send you a picture of me if you like?

Ian.
http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f47/ianjackson5150/wire2a.jpg

[Jazzman]

I gotta tell you this has been very entertaining :)

[ianj5150]

The denouement is in sight. Our Russian friend is starting to get a little agitated. It's over a week since the second 'wire' was sent, and he's come back with:

Hi Ian, Im still didn’t receive your payment. And I don’t see the value date on your copy. Please emails me transfer paper not the transfer form.

Thanks a lot,
Tracey.

I replied:

Hi Tracey,

It must arrive today, i sent it over a week ago. I don't know what you mean by 'value date'. You can see the value ($5230) and the date is on there twice. And is paper is the only one that's used for doing a wire transfer. 'Transfer paper' and 'transfer form' are the same thing.

Are you completely, 100% that the second account information that you sent to me is correct? I hope that I don't have to do it again. It costs me £30 and a lot of time to send a wire. It seems that most of the bank staff here in England are immigrants from Eastern Europe and their English is awful. I have such trouble making myself understood to them. It's not as if I find it apposite to endow my repartee with abstruse verbiage!

love,

Ian.

[MatZen]

It's not as if I find it apposite to endow my repartee with abstruse verbiage!

love,

Ian.
Ian,
Bully for you - absolutely brilliant! Thank you for the entertainment!!!

[DanHund]

So, do you have an exit strategy yet?

[ianj5150]

So, do you have an exit strategy yet?Might have ;)

[ianj5150]

He's getting very twitchy. He now thinks that my wire is a fake (which, is course it is), but for all the wrong reasons! I just got this:

Ian, I don't see any bank stamp or signature on the confirmation paper, the value date is in the bottom string, it also has to be filled.

Tracey

[ianj5150]

I have replied:

Oh, now I see what you mean! No, that's perfectly correct. In England, the banks simply give you a printed copy for information purposes. They can't give you an original for some reason that's probably to do with fraud prevention.

I went to the bank again this morning to check that the wire was ok and nothing was missed. I spent an hour with the manager, double and triple-checking that everything was ok, and she (well, I think she was a she - looked a bit big and hairy to me) assured me that it was. She said that it must be a really special guitar for that much money, and I assured her that it was. I wish I could have shown her the pictures that you sent me. I asked her if it was worth putting a trace on it, but she said that we should give it until Monday, and if it's not with you by then, trace it. The intermediate banks like to hold onto the money for as long as they can to get the interest from it. Bastards! Banks are just scammers if you ask me. I mean, quite apart from the fact that you've had to wait for a long time for your money, I want my guitar. This is the 21st century, transfers should be instantaneous; there's no excuse for delays like this. And also, I hate to think of so much of my (very) hard-earned money just floating around in cyberspace, vaguely meandering towards your account. You know, money doesn't just grow on trees for mill workers like me. I can only afford this money because I had a lot of pet insurance on my dog. He'd got out of the garden and was chasing a bus down the street, but the bus stopped at a busstop and he ran into the back of it and broke his neck. I've attached a picture of him. He wasn't exactly pretty, and he was very noisy and quite stubborn, but sloppily affectionate in his own way. I called him 'JR'. He was a very rare breed. The only reason they're rare is because they're so ugly, they don't want to **** each other. Bless! The Archtop is almost a memorial to him.

I'm sorry, I've been rambling. I have these pills that I'm supposed to take, but I forgot today. All this typing might have been completely pointless, is the wire has arrived. Have you checked today?

love,

Ian.


http://www.sfgate.com/c/pictures/2005/11/23/mn_ugly_dog_cabar501.jpg

[prsgal]

Much Kudos Ian, you managed to get the ugliest dog in the world into your thread.....

Or is it a picture of Marc, my eyes aren't too good this morning!

:D

[GaryNattrass]

This is SOO funny thanks for the entertainment Ian

[Bravo]

I have replied:

Oh, now I see what you mean! No, that's perfectly correct. In England, the banks simply give you a printed copy for information purposes. They can't give you an original for some reason that's probably to do with fraud prevention.

I went to the bank again this morning to check that the wire was ok and nothing was missed. I spent an hour with the manager, double and triple-checking that everything was ok, and she (well, I think she was a she - looked a bit big and hairy to me) assured me that it was. She said that it must be a really special guitar for that much money, and I assured her that it was. I wish I could have shown her the pictures that you sent me. I asked her if it was worth putting a trace on it, but she said that we should give it until Monday, and if it's not with you by then, trace it. The intermediate banks like to hold onto the money for as long as they can to get the interest from it. Bastards! Banks are just scammers if you ask me. I mean, quite apart from the fact that you've had to wait for a long time for your money, I want my guitar. This is the 21st century, transfers should be instantaneous; there's no excuse for delays like this. And also, I hate to think of so much of my (very) hard-earned money just floating around in cyberspace, vaguely meandering towards your account. You know, money doesn't just grow on trees for mill workers like me. I can only afford this money because I had a lot of pet insurance on my dog. He'd got out of the garden and was chasing a bus down the street, but the bus stopped at a busstop and he ran into the back of it and broke his neck. I've attached a picture of him. He wasn't exactly pretty, and he was very noisy and quite stubborn, but sloppily affectionate in his own way. I called him 'JR'. He was a very rare breed. The only reason they're rare is because they're so ugly, they don't want to **** each other. Bless! The Archtop is almost a memorial to him.

I'm sorry, I've been rambling. I have these pills that I'm supposed to take, but I forgot today. All this typing might have been completely pointless, is the wire has arrived. Have you checked today?

love,

Ian.
http://72.51.33.12/screenshot/blog_images/dog.jpghttp://farm1.static.flickr.com/25/98507404_d5061dc1eb_o.jpg
Love,
Ben

[Brownbear]

Hehe..

You are taking it to the next level!

[ianj5150]

He responds:

Hi Ian, nice doggy! Ok, will wait till Monday. I will let you know if payment arrive.

Regards,
Tracey.

[michelj]

hello ianjackson5150,

"He wasn't exactly pretty". Now that is the kindest understatement I've ever read.

This is a really hilarious thread!

By the way, where is ebay in all of this? Have they got their head stuck in the sand somewhere?

Cheers,

[ianj5150]

hello ianjackson5150,

"He wasn't exactly pretty". Now that is the kindest understatement I've ever read.

This is a really hilarious thread!

By the way, where is ebay in all of this? Have they got their head stuck in the sand somewhere?

Cheers, They have their head stuck somewhere, but 'in the sand' is also a kind understatement. :rolleyes:

[michelj]

yup, that would be somewhere where the sun don't shine :D


Take care and keep us laughing for the next few days or so.

[ianj5150]

Look what I found, googling the first name that he gave me:

http://slickdeals.net/forums/showthread.php?t=439056

It's the same guy. He must be a professional scammer. Oh, is he in for it now :mad:

[gretsch63]

Man,I can't wait to see what happen's..........Great thread! I just hope you don't get in any trouble with ebay...they are the worst !!

[ianj5150]

I got up early and decided to give my friend something to read over the weekend:

My beloved Tracey,

I'm really sorry for emailing you again for no good reason, but I'm sitting here at home, all alone and bored and so, so excited about getting PRS McCarthy Archtop Artist Prototype #10. I just thought that, since we've become such good friends over the weeks that we've been talking to each other, you wouldn't mind me writing you. I'm looking around my tiny hovel at all the horrible, cheap and nasty guitars that I've been playing for years; MDF crap with actions like egg-slicers! I almost feel like burning them when the Archtop arrives. Perhaps I should wait for Guy Fawlkes night; it would be more interesting than burning a pretend person. And I'm also looking at the pictures that I have of little JR, on the TV, the walls, and the special one that I keep on the commode. I had to insure him for a lot of money because he was so rare, and I suppose I should have tried to replace him with another, but he might have been the only one of his kind in the country. He was irreplaceable! At least he died trying to copulate with something, even if it was the tailpipe of the No 13 bus; that is one small comfort in my grief.

I assume that you checked your account on Friday, so I'll guess that the wire wasn't there, otherwise you would have told me? I think that the ladyman manager at the bank was right, and your money will be with you on Monday. I have every confidence that the wire was sent competently and correctly. After the problems with the first one, when the details were wrong, I made especially sure that the second one was composed by the best International Money Transfer Specialist that the bank have. In fact, I travelled many miles to that particular branch because the Bank's head office at Budgie Wharf near Oxford told me that Forsmy Dykin is the best that they have (you'll see his name on the second form). He's a very nice man, and inspired a lot of confidence as his fingers danced like those of a concern harpsicordist over the keys of his computer.

Since I have every certainty that your $5230 will be in your account sometime on Monday, I presume that you'll be posting the guitar on Tuesday? I can't remember what service you wanted to use, was it UPS or Fedex? Both are good. Can you ask for an estimate of when it will be delived, because I have a couple of hospital appointments to have my toes trimmed and I don't want to miss the delivery of my new baby! Also, I have been especially careful and I'm set up a PO Box number, because my house is very hard to find. I live in a tiny village called Upper Urrass near Lickfold in West Sussex. It's such a small place that delivery vans can easily miss the entire village. And I don't know why it's called 'Upper Urrass' because there's no 'Lower Urrass'. Whatever. Most people (or at least those that know it exists) just call it 'Urrass', or 'Urrass-under-Lickfold'. Again, whatever!

So here's the address to post the Prototype too:

IL Jackson Esq
PO Box1
Upper Urrass,
near Lickfold,
West Sussex,
P15 0FF
Her Brittanic Majesty's United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland (UK for short).

And that should reach me just fine. I just can't wait for the Archtop to arrive, hopefully with great speed, in Urrass. Nobody will have seen anything like it in Urrass before. When the word gets out, people from miles around will be trying to get into Urrass to see it and wonder how such a big guitar, fancy guitar got in there!

I can't wait for next week. Please, please please email me the moment that you get the money,

All my love,

I. x

BTW, Lickfold in West Sussex is a real place. Upper Urrass, aka Urrass aka Urrass-under-Lickfold are not.

[Jazzman]

Upper Urrass,
near Lickfold,
West Sussex,
P15 0FF
LMAO!!

[lbw]

BTW, Lickfold in West Sussex is a real place. Upper Urrass, aka Urrass aka Urrass-under-Lickfold are not.
You should have had it sent to The bogs in the Lanley Village KFC at Stains.. ;)

[MatZen]

Ian,

I think I just shat myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your creativity is amazing!

[bilbal]

This is hilarious. I'm pi$$ing myself

"It's not as if I find it apposite to endow my repartee with abstruse verbiage!

love,

Ian."

The
love,

Ian cracked me up!

[J*Dizzle]

Simply great.

[ianj5150]

Well, it's Monday and there's no communication for him. I've nudged him gently:

Hi Tracey,

Go you have wire? Please tell me that it's there and you have $5230. I know that it's only just the late afternoon in the US, but I'm sure you've checked by now. Will you be posting it Upper Urrass tomorrow? Do you like pie?

Felicitations,

Ian.

[02Singlecut]

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA......keep the soap opera going!!!

[ianj5150]

Well, he's confirmed that the money that I didn't send to him isn't there:

Dear Ian, yesterday I checked my account and money wasn’t there. Im sure it is not your fault, there is some mistake, please check your account maybe money is already back.

Sorry for waiting for so lond.
Kind regards,
Tracey.

I replied:

Dear Tracey,

That's awful news. I feel sick. I'm going to call the bank now and see if I can get the Internation Money Transfer Specialist, Forsmy Dykin, to trace what has happened.I'm so depressed. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever see the
guitar ;0(

Just a thought - is there a way that I might just post the cash to you?

love,

Ian.

Stay tuned for more as it happens :D

[Taller]

This is classic!:p

[ianj5150]

So he’s still wriggling on my $5000 hook. Time for another chummy email…



My darling Tracey,



Well, I can hardly believe that after all these weeks, all these emails, the great friendship that we’ve struck up, two wire transfers and the good offices of Mr Forsmy Dykin, we’ve still got nowhere. I was so hoping to open an email from you that would say that the money was in your account and the Archtop Prototype was packed and on its way. I can’t believe that in the 21st Century, it can be so hard to successfully transfer money! Perhaps if you were to try Cosmically Ordering the $5230 to arrive in your bank account, it might?! Do you want to try that? It might be more reliable than the international banking system.



I have spoken at length with Forsmy Dykin, and several other people at my bank, and over the past few days they have been in contact with Douche Bank to try to trace where the money is. I’ve given them instructions to try as hard as they can to make sure that it reaches your account, and only to return it to me as a last possible resort. It might yet get through to you, so please keep checking your account as often as you possibly can. I have been ringing Forsmy every hour on the hour today to ask for updates, though he has been getting more and more difficult to get hold off as the day as gone on, so he must be working very hard on it. I’ve started to really get to know him actually, and he’s a very interesting fellow. He doesn’t brag about it, but he did let it slip to me, in confidence, mind, so please don’t tell anyone, that he’s Captain of the All England Formation Felching Team. I asked him if he was trying to get Formation Felching into the Olympics, since it sounds a bit like Synchronised Swimming, but he said ‘no’ and changed the subject. Perhaps he’s modest. I don’t know anything about the sport myself, but it sounds like it’s only for those with a strong stomach!



Tracey, I can’t tell you how desperate I am to get this money to you. If I have to make another wire to another bank account, I don’t mind. As I said in a previous email, I’ll post the cash to you if I have to, I really don’t care anymore. The Archtop Prototype is so special, and in JR’s memory I want it so much. I almost feel as if I’ve played it already, for hours and hours, playing jazz/shred fusion in a warehouse in London. I so want that guitar. I’m almost thinking of Cosmically Ordering it!!!



Forever, felchingly yours,



Ian. xxx

[02Singlecut]

Bahahahahahahahaaaaa!!!

[k_kush]

DUDE!!! Just looked up felcher on WIKI....you are frikken hilarious...although I am a little concerned that you know what felching is! :D

[Dakster]

wow...and I thought the Soapie22 scam I was just playing with was funny...when ya gonna ask to marry her and move her to a nice country, where you will take care of her?????

[ianj5150]

DUDE!!! Just looked up felcher on WIKI....you are frikken hilarious...although I am a little concerned that you know what felching is! :DThere's a good reason for the character of Forsmy Dykin (force my dick in), and the felching business. I'm humbly doffing my cap to the greatest scam-busting thread ever:

http://forums.birdsandmoons.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23520&highlight=felch

[ianj5150]

OK, there's more. A couple of chit-chat emails while he was waiting for my wire to bounce back. Then he sends:

Hi Ian, do you have news for me?

I reply:

Tracey, darling,

The money is back in my account! I don't know whether to be happy about it or not, I'd so much rather have the guitar on my knee.

I've been on the phone to Forsmy a lot, trying to find out what went wrong, but it seems that Douche Bag Bank don't seem to have the first clue about why the wire was rejected. It seems that it just bounced back for no particularly good reason. Damn! I am so, SO looking forward to getting JR's memorial guitar ;0(

Can you send me wiring instructions to a different account? Or perhaps you can ask your bank why the wire was rejected. I'm actually prepared to mail the cash to you if you'll give me an address! You could set up an anonymous mail box if you like, in case you don't want me to have your real address. I wouldn't blame you, because let's face it, there are so many dubious people out there. I might be a really scary weirdo for all you know! I'm not, of course; almost all of my two friends at the Lickfold and District Vascular Wilt Support Group think I'm a great guy.

Actually, I'm doing very well for making new friends. Apart from the great good fortune of meeting you, Tracey, I've had the chance to really get to know the wonderful Forsmy. Quite apart from his world class collection of bus tickets, his memberhip of the All England Formation Felching Team has the potential to make him an international superstar. I've attached a photo of Forsmy and his felching team in action.

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f47/ianjackson5150/felchers.jpg

I'd love to have a go at this fine old English sport, but it really does take years of practice. I love this picture! Though the chap in the middle looks like he needs to visit my Vascular Wilt Support Group.

I have to go. Please please please tell me how I can get this money to you, Tracey! Moneygram, Western Union, carrier pidgeon, mail, ANYTHING!!!!

Love you loads,

Ian xxx


Many thanks to Gary Nattrass for supplying a picture of Morris Dancers in action at his pub. :dude:

[Bravo]

When are you gonna ask for the trophy pic, Ian? That one from the thread you linked to was effing hilarious!

[ianj5150]

When are you gonna ask for the trophy pic, Ian? That one from the thread you linked to was effing hilarious!I don't think it would work, sadly. I think he's using an internet cafe or somesuch. I have a deliciously cruel sting in mind for him, though :D

[Bravo]

I don't think it would work, sadly. I think he's using an internet cafe or somesuch. I deliciously cruel sting in mind for him, though :DI can't wait.:dude:

[GaryNattrass]

Glad to help out and I hope that you can use the other pic of the guy in the union jack jacket and the pitth helmet!

[Serious_Poo]

I'm really late to this party, but it's pretty funny. BTW, it sounds a lot like a legendary reverse powerbook scam from a few years ago:

http://www.zug.com/pranks/powerbook/

[ianj5150]

He's sent this:

Dear Ian,

Great photo! It's great to have a new friend like you. My brother is in Thailand now on vacation and he need to buy one thing there for his job and he ask me for money so please send money there, Here Info for the Western Union:
Annenkov Maxim
Pattaya
Thailand

Please send it today and email me info, I will ship guitar when he get your payment and finaly you will get your JR's memorial guitar.
Hope to hear from you soon,

Thanks a lot,
Tracey

What a sucker! It looks like he's swallowed the whole stupid tale, hook, line, sinker and half the rod. :D

The final, fatal blow is imminent.

[tmoore]

My brother is in Thailand now... so please send money there, Here Info for the Western Union:
Good grief.
Let this be a lesson to you kids out there. This is precisely how not to conduct business transactions.

[ianj5150]

He's keen. Just moments ago, he sent this:

Hi Ian, do you have any news for me??

Regards,
Tracey

Oh, I have news for him alright :cool:

[ianj5150]

I've replied:

Dearest Tracey,

I'm really jealous of your brother, I've always wanted to go Thailand, I hear it's a great place. A fat ex-patient of mine called Vaughn has a business exporting ping-pong balls there. He often hand-carries thousands of ping-pong balls to the Thais, which seems like a rather costly way to export, but he must have a reason. He actually brings some of them back as 'momentos', or so he says. Perhaps he wants to remember some of the great games of ping-pong that he's had out there. He doesn't have a ping-pong table in his council house though, but then I suppose it wouldn't fit. Ping-pong his very popular in Thai nightclubs, apparently. I'm not sure why. Those orientals are weird. I've only been abroad three times, to Spain, Wales and Luton. Spain was the best though, because the people spoke English and the weather was nice. I took my darling JR with me, so I have some treasured memories of our holiday, but back to business.

I contacted Western Onion, but I was unable to pay by card because they don't take Library cards, and that's the only card that I have. This means that I have to go to a Western Onion shop with the cash, so I have to withdraw $5230 (in pounds, of course) from my bank, and go to a Western Onion with it. Then I had a big argument with my bank because they insisted that they need two working days notice to withdraw such a lot of money. hahahahahahahas!! I hate banks!! So I called my very dear friend (but not as dear as you, my darling Tracey) Forsmy, who has arranged for me to pick up the cash from his branch!! What a great guy he is! So I begged the owner of the cotton mill where I work 14 hours a day, 6 days a week, for the time off tomorrow, so that I could drive for hours to Forsmy's branch to get the money. The hahahahahahaha refused, but since he has wooden legs I struck a match and threatened to burn him to the ground. Then the English Police would probably charge him with Arson About. So we came to a good English compromise and settled on half a day, but as a gesture of goodwill I said that I'd let him have a go on my sister. Well, I can hardly keep her all to myself, can I?

So, tomorrow, I shall get the cash. But I only have half a day off work, so I might not have a chance to go to the Western Onion shop, so I might have to wait until Monday before I can send it. I hope that your brother will still be in Thailand? I understand that the the transfer will be instantaneous, so I hope there'll be no problem.

I was just thinking about my Holiday to Spain with JR. I had no problem getting him to Spain in my hand luggage, but when it was time to come back, I realised that he would have to go through quarentine for nine months. That would have been unbareable! Thankfully, I had a good supply of veterinary sedatives with me. I find them so useful on the few occasions that I actually get a date with a real woman (though I never need them with my sister. A bottle of Newcastle Brown does the trick every time!). So I injected JR and smuggled him back into England in my colostomy bag. It was inspected by Her Majesty's Customs, and they found him, but I told them that he'd been dead for three weeks and I was bringing him back home because my compost heap needed some animal protein. The hahahahahahas believed me! But then, he always smelt like he'd been dead for weeks, so I can hardly blame them for falling for it.

I've attached a picture of him in Spain, just after he crapped on the roof of my hire car. Doesn't he look happy? ;0)

Love and fluids,

Ian. xxx

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f47/ianjackson5150/JRinSpain.jpg

[Dakster]

I hate to admit this, as a grown man, but I just peed myself laughing so hard...only a little...seriously, that had to be the funniest thing I've ever read

[Taller]

Dude...Thread of the Year nomination, right here!:dude:

It's got everything...a beautiful PRS...a dirtbag trying to pull a scam...and a witty BaM member tying said dirtbag's 'nads to his chin.

I'm dyin'...:p

[musicman10_1]

amazing how many people have peed and pooped on themselves as a result of reading this :rolleyes:

[Dakster]

+1 for nomination on thread of the year

[lbw]

It's not funny, the people in Spain really do speak English better than the geezers in some parts of England :)

Classic Ian.

I love your ping pong exporter mate and the fact you said Luton is 'abroad' :)

[Rabidhamster]

hahahahahah, this is great man! That damned dog scares the **** out of me:eek:!!!

I suspect I know whats coming soon, if you'd do like I would, but I wont spoil it for anyone.;)

[ianj5150]

hahahahahah, this is great man! That damned dog scares the **** out of me:eek:!!!

I suspect I know whats coming soon, if you'd do like I would, but I wont spoil it for anyone.;)Go on, have a guess :D

BTW, he's just emailed me again, asking me to let him know as soon as the money's been sent. Oh, I'll let him know, all right. Hehe.

[ianj5150]

I've just sent:


Tracey, sweetness,

Oh, this is just great! GREAT! At last we have a solution. After almost two months of frustration and failure, at last I can pay you for the Prototype #10. I went to Forsmy's bank today and got the money. $5230 is £2690, which is more money than I have ever seen in one place in my life. So since I had the chance, I took my digital camera and decided to take a picture for you, just so that you can see how much money will be with you soon, for my darling JR's memorial guitar. Forsmy even made a little sign for you; he has such a great sense of humour.

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f47/ianjackson5150/forsmycrop.jpg

I've called the local Western Onion shop, and I'll be going there to send the money on Monday. I've got all the information that we need to make sure that your brother gets the money. He has quite an unusual name, not very American sounding. Perhaps your parents had eclectic tastes in sibling nomenclature? Western Onion have to know which is his first name and which is his last name, and with your brother's name it's hard to get which is which. When the money has been sent, I'll be given a special reference number that he'll need to quote, and because it's such a lot of money, I'm told that he has to quote a password as well, which I'll give you on Monday. And please tell him to take his passport as ID. I'll email you as soon as the money has gone. It's here with me, in a big envelope, and I keep getting it out and playing with it. I can't stop fiddling with it, it's so thick and meaty. It feels great, and smells better. Money is really quite sexy, isn't it? But not as sexy as the beautiful guitar that will soon be mine.

I can't wait, Tracey!!! I'm so, so exited! I wish I could tell JR, he would have so yapped with joy. I might go out into the garden, dig him up and tell him!!!!

Yours always,

Ian xxxx

[TMeury]

This has to be one of the funniest things I've EVER read. Here are my highlights:



I contacted Western Onion, but I was unable to pay by card because they don't take Library cards, and that's the only card that I have...

So I begged the owner of the cotton mill where I work 14 hours a day, 6 days a week, for the time off tomorrow, so that I could drive for hours to Forsmy's branch to get the money. The hahahahahahaha refused, but since he has wooden legs I struck a match and threatened to burn him to the ground. Then the English Police would probably charge him with Arson About. So we came to a good English compromise and settled on half a day, but as a gesture of goodwill I said that I'd let him have a go on my sister. Well, I can hardly keep her all to myself, can I?....


Thankfully, I had a good supply of veterinary sedatives with me. I find them so useful on the few occasions that I actually get a date with a real woman (though I never need them with my sister. A bottle of Newcastle Brown does the trick every time!)...

Love and fluids,

[ianj5150]

He's just this second replied:

Dear Ian, Annenkov is the last name and Maxim is the first name, waiting for confirmation if transfer.

Regards,
Tracey

He obviously thinks that payday is imminent. Normally, he can take up to 24 hours to reply, but over the last few days he's been right on the ball. He set up this email address especially for this scam (it's the same user name as that of the eBay account that he hijacked), so he has to log onto it especially.

Incidently, Maxim Annenkov works in the IT industry in the Russian Federation, which figures since his English is passable and he has the wherewithall to hack eBay accounts. This must be his sideline. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. The information age is a great thing ;)

Also, he evidently hasn't used Western Union before, because otherwise he would have understood the importance of stating the recipient's last name and first name. His ignorance of Western Union's workings (easily remedied with a simple phone call) will give me the opportunity to inflict upon him an exquisite cruelty, the final indignity before I call 'checkmate'.

Everything is in place. :D

[Perry]

....... His ignorance of Western Union's workings (easily remedied with a simple phone call) will give me the opportunity to inflict upon him an exquisite cruelty, the final indignity before I call 'checkmate'.

Everything is in place. :D
I can't wait - this is the best thread ever :dude:

[GaryNattrass]

I can't wait - this is the best thread ever :dude:

Better than any stuff on the TV!

Cant wait for the result!

[ianj5150]

The trap is closing.

Just to recap: he's expecting me to send $5230 to his 'brother' in Thailand, which equals £2690, or 174,890 Thai Bhats.

I've sent the money. Well, 0.1% of it, anyway. :D

I logged onto Western Union's website and sent him £2.69, or a thousandth of what he's expecting. The website asked me to call the WU service centre, where I was connected to a splendid gentlemen known only as Operator 606. He asked me if I was sending the money to someone who I'd met online, so I said 'yes'. He then dutifully warned me that I might be a potential victim of a fraud, so I settled back and told him the tale. Apparently, it's almost certain that Maxim won't get his £2.69. He has to say how much has been sent and because the discrepency between the sum that he'll ask for and what's really there is so huge, the cashier will be obliged not to give it to him. But I don't care; the more frustrated he gets, the better.

Mr Operator 606 managed to get my bizarre transaction through Western Union's anti-fraud system and sent the money. I gave him the url of BaM and instructions on how to find this thread. Hopefully he'll have a read of this soon and show it to as many of his workmates as possible. Chaps like him work very hard to save people's money from vermin like my Russian friend, and deserve our gratitude. Op 606, thanks for your help in completing this sting, and I hope this thread gaves you and your friends a bit of a giggle, as the tables get turned on one of the slimeballs that you have to deal with every day :)

OK, back to the action. I've emailed him this:





Tracey!! Tracey!!

GREAT NEWS!!!! I found a Western Onion shop that was open today (probably illegally since it’s a Sunday, but what the hell????).

So I grabbed my huge package full of all that money, jumped straight into my Ford Prefect and raced out of Urrass just as fast I could, to get to the Bongo Flava Pawnbrokers and Liquor Store in the nearby market town of Phelcham. You have your money!! At last!!! I can’t believe it, I’m so HAPPY!!!!!!

I’m shaking so much, I feel like I’m going to have a prolapse!! I sent the money, with a lot of help from the wonderful cross-dresser behind the counter. He/she/it was called Tess and was really nice and helpful. I think that he/she thinks I’m really rich, sending such a lot of money to Thailand for a guitar, because he/she asked me for a date. He/she wasn’t really my sort (he/she would fit right in in Thailand though haha!) but I said ‘yes’ anyway. I’m not that fussy; anything warm with a pulse will do. Well, the pulse is a nice-to-have really, just as long as they’re still warm. And of course, I always have my trusty Xylazine to hand ;0)



I’ve met some wonderful friends through the buying of McCartney Archtop Prototype #10, (I think that the guitar must have been blessed by the lovely, gentle spirit of JR); first you, then Forsmy, and now Tess. She told me her first name which was very friendly; her name badge just said Ms Tyckell, which is a bit formal for a dive like Bongo Flava. But she told me her first name as soon as I pulled out my enormous package. She couldn’t take her eyes off the huge wad, and said that she was amazed at how thick it was! I can hardly blame her really.

I’m sorry, Tracey, I’m rambling again. Here is what your brother Maxim needs to do. Please convey this information to him most carefully, so that there can be no errors:

He must take his passport, in order to identify himself, to a Western Onion outlet in Pattaya, Thailand, and state to the cashier very clearly that his first name is Maxim and his last name is Annenkov. That should be easy enough. He will probably be asked exactly how much money he is expecting to receive, and that is 175,890 Bahts. Then he must say to the cashier (very slowly and clearly, because these Thais have God-awful English) two very important things. One is the Money Transfer Control Number (MTCN) number that I will give you, and the other is the secret pass phrase that he will be asked for. The secret pass phrase is because it’s a transaction of more then $1000, as extra security.


So, here is the special reference number, and the secret phrase that I have chosen. The Money Transfer Control Number is 0406935309 and the secret pass phrase is

“I felch for fun”.

When I was asked to think it up, I had Forsmy Dykin on my mind, and it seemed appropriate somehow. Have you got all that? Of course you have, it’s an email! DOH!!! But make sure that your lovely brother Maxim writes it down.

I have to say, I’m worried about him collecting so much money and carrying it through the streets of Pattaya. Will he be safe? I don’t want him having an accident, especially with all those ping-pong balls flying about!

Tracey, I just can’t tell you how excited and thrilled I am that this is going to happen at last. I’ll be checking my email every few moments, waiting for the message from you that Maxim has the money and that the Archtop Artist Prototype #10 is on its way Upper Urrass. Now that I have an instrument to be proud of, I hope to form a band with the other musician in Urrass; she’s a young lady called Billy Rubin who plays the skin flute and is apparently very good. It will be good to have a little band, because I’m so tired of playing with myself! We wanted a noble, almost classical sounding name. We’re called "Perineum". What do you think?

I must stop talking! You can tell how excited I am! Can you send it by the fastest possible method? I’m even going to try to get it here faster by Cosmically Ordering it! Have you heard about Cosmic Ordering? It’s really great. What you do is you write down in a piece of paper what you want, the you put the piece of paper away. Then you get it out again and read out what is written on it. Or something. Anyway, the Cosmos takes your order, and delivers it, just like ordering pizza. I’m going to try it, and see how fast the Archtop gets here!!! Yeah!!!! I'm so excited that I excavated JR! He doesn't look much different from when he was alive, but God, he smells even worse than normal. The kitchen stinks!!!

Love and kisses (tongues optional)

Ian. xxxx

[Taller]

I lost track, Ian - do you actually have this guitar or know where it is?

You can send him a 'Thank You!' note in a few days with a picture of you and the guitar...flipping him the bird!:D

[ianj5150]

I lost track, Ian - do you actually have this guitar or know where it is?

You can send him a 'Thank You!' note in a few days with a picture of you and the guitar...flipping him the bird!:DThe guitar belongs to a good buddy of mine and was in its case next to me when I found the auction on eBay. And as for flipping him the bird... oh, you're a genius :D Watch what's on the way :p

[SgtMiyagi]

ROFLMAO!! Bwwaaa hahahahahaha!!!!

This thread's freakin' hilarious!!!! :D

http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l53/fatb_01/Cats/teeth.jpg

[ianj5150]

Update: It's 1730hrs in Thailand. Western Union say that he hasn't attempted to collect his payout yet. I'll keep you posted.

[Diamond 59]

HURRY UP............

I can't wait for the next thrilling installment and the suspense is killing me........you're a very very bad boy for coming up with this one but I'm damned impressed.............

Iain.

[ianj5150]

I decided that I should give him a gentle nudge, as any eager buyer would, but in a nice big font:


Tracy,

Does Maxim have the money? Western Onion's website isn't working, so I can't tell if he's collected it or not.

Please let me know asap.

Ian xx


This results in two replies from him. First:

Dear Ian, please don’t worry he will get the money today and today your guitar will be shipped.

Tracey

Then, half an hour later:

My dear Ian, just receive message from Maxim, I so sorry but I didn't tell your name and Maxim didn't get your payment today. Now its evening there, he will get it tomorrow morning and I will ship your JR's memorial guitar, sorry again for so delay.
Yours Tracey.

So sometime tomorrow he'll try to get the cash. I'm tracking the transaction in Western Union's website. If anyone wants to watch to see when he tries to pick up his mountain of Bahts, go here:

https://wumt.westernunion.com/asp/orderStatus.asp?country=global

MTCN = 0406935309

Sender First Name = Ian

Sender Last Name = Jackson

All I'm waiting for now is for him to email me, asking what happened to his money; then his empty head will be duly lopped from off his narrow shoulders :D

[ianj5150]

Well, it's highly likely that after Maxim's visit to the Pattaya Western Union tomorrow, and the email that I will doubtless receive very soon after, this rollercoaster of an eBay sale will finally come to its denoument, when I send a mail to him that will splatter his hopes of hitting paydirt like a bug on the windshield of a Roadrunner.

So since I have the chance, I wondered whether I should send him one last email. Hehe... what do you think?

Hi, Tracey, my love,

I've returned from my fourteen hour shift at the pepper mill and have just read your emails. OK, so there's another little delay, but compared to the two months that we have been trying to complete this transaction, it really doesn't matter. I now know that you will get all that money and that I will get JR's memorial guitar very soon after. I am so happy!!!!

I have had such a wonderful day, and it's been made all the better by the knowledge that the beautiful and unique PRS Archtop Artist Prototype #10 will soon be me mine and that nothing can possibly go wrong now. And my long day at the mill was brightened by a couple of phone calls. First of all, the breathtakingly talented skin-flute player Billy Rubin called, and said that she'd heard about my amazing instrument and that she really wants to play with me!! And this is a girl who has famously blown every skin-flute within 50 miles of Urrass!!! Like, wow!!! Can you imagine how excited I was?!?!

Then it just got better! Forsmy Dykin called me and said the he wanted me to join him on one of his biannual trips to Nigeria to help spread the word about what a wonderful game felching is, and help him encourage the locals to take it up. Apparently, the Nigerians just love a good felch. He mailed me a picture that he had been sent by a very talented student of his, which I’ve attached. Man, they love him out in Lagos!!!

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f47/ianjackson5150/Ifelchforfun.jpg


Just when I though that this might be the best day of my miserable, impoverished, third stage syphilitic life, it just got even better! My new special friend Tess Tyckell called and said that he/she wanted to leave Phelcham for the first time in years and come and visit me in Urrass tonight. Kewl!! So obviously I said yes! So as soon as I’d taken off my hockey mask and dusted off the pepper, I jumped into my Ford Prefect and I raced back home to get ready for Tess to arrive. He/she turned up right on time, but I’d forgotten to get rid of JR’s stinking, rotten carcass that was still sitting on top of the refridgerator. I don’t know if it was the sight of him, or the stench, or the maggot that poked it’s head out of his nostril and almost seemed to smile at him/her. But he/she screamed, passed out and hit his/her head on my commode. Out cold!! I couldn’t believe my luck, because Xylazine is freaking expensive, even if you buy it over the interweb from some Russkie site, but then you also have the hassle of that weird alphabet and ****.

I had a slight disappointment when I realised that his/her surgery had not been done, shall we say, expertly ;0( But hey, beggars can’t be choosers, and this was manna from heaven!!!



Speaking of which, he/she isn’t breathing, but he/she is still warm. Hold on. I’ll be right back….
…
…
…

;0)

(Sign) I’m a bit tired now. I think I’ve got vascular wilt again.

I'm cosmically ordering the McCarty Archtop Artist Prototype #10 with a fury now. I keep writing “I want the Cosmos to order for me McCarty Archtop Artist Prototype #10” on Andrex (not new, but used – we must think about the environment), then reading the message out aloud. Anyway, I must stop writing. I’m too excited to sleep, which is a good thing, really, since it looks like I have a lot of digging to do.

Erm, I wonder if rigor mortis will have set in by the morning…

Love and reverence,

Ian.

Mwah!!!

[ianj5150]

Just for info, the only weird reference that can't be googled or wiki'ed is the skin-flute player, Billy Rubin.

Bilirubin is a product of the digestion of iron-based proteins (such as haemoglobin) that gives the humble turd it's characteristic brown colour.

[tmoore]

Bilirubin is a product of the digestion of iron-based proteins (such as haemoglobin) that gives the humble turd it's charactaristic brown colour.
I didn't need to know that. :eek:

But, carry on.

[AaeCee]

Just for info, the only weird reference that can't be googled or wiki'ed is the skin-flute player, Billy Rubin.

Bilirubin is a product of the digestion of iron-based proteins (such as haemoglobin) that gives the humble turd it's charactaristic brown colour.You, Sir, deserve to be the first inductee to the BaM Hall of Fame! The caption could read something like this: "Ian is a hero to all us honest, GASsing, naive, high-tech/internet challenged musicians out there. We are forever thankful for his cunning and perserverance in combatting the foes of honest internet commerce in the most wickedly humorous of fashion. He is to be saluted!" How's that?! Great job and great fun!

[ianj5150]

He's emailed me this:

Hi Ian, Maxim collect the money but there only 2.69 pounds. Please explain.
Kind regards, Tracey.







YES!!!!!!!

http://www.vintagerocker.com/forum/images/smilies/clap.gif http://www.vintagerocker.com/forum/images/smilies/clap.gif http://www.vintagerocker.com/forum/images/smilies/clap.gif

I'll reply tonight. :cool:

[02Singlecut]

:dude: lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Taller]

He's emailed me this:

Hi Ian, Maxim collect the money but there only 2.69 pounds. Please explain.
Kind regards, Tracey.

YES!!!!!!!

http://www.vintagerocker.com/forum/images/smilies/clap.gif http://www.vintagerocker.com/forum/images/smilies/clap.gif http://www.vintagerocker.com/forum/images/smilies/clap.gif

I'll reply tonight. :cool:
[Montgomery Burns] Exxxcellent! [/Montgomery Burns]

[ianj5150]

Well, all good things must come to an end. It's time to drop the bomb on our friend 'Tracey'. As you know, this morning he sent me this:

Hi Ian, Maxim collect the money but there only 2.69 pounds. Please explain.
Kind regards, Tracey.

So he wants an explanation, does he? OK, he can have one...

My darling, wonderful Tracey!!!


I can’t believe it!!!! My Cosmic Ordering worked!! McCarty Archtop Artist Prototype #10 is right here with me, right now. I can’t thank you (and the Cosmos) enough!!!


Let me tell you just how great Cosmic Ordering is. It even goes back in time. It’s as if the Archtop Prototype actually belongs to a good friend of mine who had allowed me to borrow it for a while. I feel as if it was right there next to me, in its case, the night that I first saw your auction for it. And I thought to myself, that considering all the effort that you’d gone to (hijacking an old eBay account, setting up an email address especially for the scam, copying the genuine auction for the guitar that the real owner put up over a year ago), I felt that it would be rude of me not to reward you for all your hard work.

Your reward is a richly deserved one, and it’s much more than the price of a Café Latte enema at Starbuck’s, that your ‘brother’ collected in Pattaya yesterday. Ever since seeing the auction, I have been posting our conversation on a number of guitarists’ forums, where hundreds, possibly thousands of honest, decent PRS guitar owners have been reading every word that has passed between us. They’ve howled with laughter as I've laid a trail of ridiculous people, fake wire forms, stupid ugly dogs, incest, necrophilia and felching (just google the word, will you?). And you have been following that trail like a retarded, blinkered bloodhound, with nothing but unearned, stolen money on its tiny little brain. You have shown yourself to be an individual of rare qualities, ‘Tracey’. Your blunt, criminal greed and crude contempt for even the most basic of decent moral behaviour is overshadowed only by your towering, awe-inspiring stupidity. I still cannot belief that I strung this tale out for two months, and you never realised that you, the scammer, were being scammed yourself.

So there you have your reward, ‘Tracey’, for all your efforts. Not $5230 stolen from some innocent buyer; instead you get to enjoy the knowledge that you have been mocked, belittled and humiliated on a global scale. The laughter at your expense has been echoing around the world for two months now. Even Western Union were in on the joke; when I made the £2.69 payment (0.1% of what you thought was coming your way) I explained the story to them at length. It’s probably all over their European call centre by now.

There are some things that I would love to know, though probably never will. When my first fake wire didn’t arrive and you said that it was because of the ‘wrong details’, did you really think that it had failed because that bank account had in fact been closed down? If so, was it because of the fraud investigation initiated by eBay after you tried to get someone to wire money to that account to pay for a $1600 bike, the result of another failed scam attempt using another hijacked account? You’re really not very good at this, are you?

So this is almost the end of our little game, but one final thing remains. PRS guitars are well known for the inlays of birds on their fingerboards (incidently, the birds on Archtop Prototype #10 are exquisite, abalone edged with 14 karat gold). For your enjoyment, I have taken a photograph of the back of the headstock of the guitar, and I have added, especially for you, a ‘bird’ of another kind.

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f47/ianjackson5150/TheBird.jpg


This universal hand gesture, understood by even the dimmest of Russian scammers, doesn’t even come close to expressing the slight regard and contempt in which you are held not only by me, but by the many around the world, on every continent, who have been following our story as it has weaved though Upper Urrass, pepper mill workers, swingers parties, horse tranquillisers, excavated dog carcasses and the living legend that is Forsmy Dykin, world class felcher.


Thanks for all the fun, ‘Tracey’. It’s been emotional.

Love,

Ian. x

[TMeury]

*sigh* Now that's a fantastic ending! I wonder if he'll respond.

[GaryNattrass]

Well done Ian and thanks for two months a great entertainment.

See you soon and there are several pints of BlackSheep awaiting at the baaar

[Taller]

OMG! Too freaking cool.

Bravo, Ian. Well done indeed!:dude:

[Mak]

I was hoping there would be a burly Russian / Thai cop waiting at the Wastern Onion place ready to go 'Your Knicked Sonny!'.... only in a russian / Thai accent...


Nice sting Ian.... we should set up a 'special' BaM ebay account specifically for dealing with these scams - just think of the fun that could be had. And more entertainment than any sane man could normally handle too!

Nice one Ian... I enjoyed that immensely!

Mak.

[Bravo]

Aw man, your message and photo were perfect! That scammer sucks at life. :D

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/40/98899692_c772c5cbdd.jpg

[Perry]

Very entertaining - Well done mate - the Brit sense of humour truly rules :cool:

[Gavin]

Been following this from day one. A truely excellent final email. Bravo to you, your effort and bringing this to close with a bang!

[ianj5150]

Thanks everyone. So glad that you enjoyed it. I'll wait to see if he replies, but for the time being, let me quote my namesake Samuel L Jackson's character Jules, in Pulp Fiction:

Well there's this passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee." I been sayin' that sh!t for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant Urrass.

:D

Tomorrow, I'll post the end credits.

[Dakster]

Dude....has anyone emailed PRS about this? I bet Uncle Paul would pee himself, like we did....may even build ya a guitar for your efforts??

[AaeCee]

You're beautiful, man!!

[Diamond 59]

Ian,

I'm gutted that it's finally finished. Couldn't you pretend it's like Dallas, that it's all a dream and start again ?? I've followed this from the start and BaM won't be the same now without the next thrilling installment !!

There should be an award for people like you.........

[californiarock]

.....Thanks everyone. So glad that you enjoyed it. I'll wait to see if he replies, ....

He could not answer, he's been arrested or .......................... should be !



[font=Times New Roman][size=3][i]This universal hand gesture, understood by even the dimmest of Russian scammers, doesn’t even come close to expressing the slight regard and contempt in which you are held not only by me, but by the many around the world, on every continent, who have been following our story ....

fantastic story, fantastic man !

[Jazzman]

Ian, I am in awe! Thank you very much! :)

I wish this thread could be a sticky.

[Flanagan]

I have a new hero,and his name is Ian.

[MoJo JoJoe]

Ian, you know you ARE the man!
But this is ironic.....
Well there's this passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17.

[ianj5150]

Ian, you know you ARE the man!
But this is ironic.....Joe, I knew that you would see the delicious irony :D

[LDS22]

well done. if you don't get a response from the guy or any possible news on investigating this fraud, this one needs to go in the archive.

[PJLCC14]

NO DOUBT.....Thread of the YEAR......Great job Ian ;)

[FastFret]

This is my first post here and I must say it's as good an introductory thread to a forum as one could hope for. I've read this whole saga in one sitting, my cheeks still hurting from too much exercise.

Good stuff Ian

:)

[ianj5150]

Ian,

I'm gutted that it's finally finished. Couldn't you pretend it's like Dallas, that it's all a dream and start again ?? I've followed this from the start and BaM won't be the same now without the next thrilling installment !!

There should be an award for people like you.........
Damn, so am I. I was enjoying it so much. I think that I need to find another scumbag to torment.

Incidently, 'Tracey' hasn't replied yet :rolleyes:

[Gavin]

Incidently, 'Tracey' hasn't replied yet :rolleyes:
I think I speak for everyone by saying we're all waiting (and hoping) theres a reply.

[MoJo JoJoe]

He has to be frantically scouring the 'net looking for this thread where he's been laid bare and ridiculed. Perhaps knowing that you're posting his replies, he's not going to give you/us the satisfaction of a final reply?
I don't think I would be too surprised if BaM experiences some hack attacks now.....but hey we have Ian Jackson on our side MWHAHAHAHA

[ianj5150]

OK, now that the dust has settled, I need to say a 'thank you' to the people who helped me out with this bit of recreational scammer-baiting.

First and foremost, my old buddy Mike (mykewright), who was instrumental in enabling the whole thing. It was Mike who actually spotted the scam eBay auction in the first place and told Gareth (who actually owns the Archtop Prototype #10). Gareth showed me the auction when I was visiting him the next day. Mike also applied his awesome photoshop skills to create the two fake wire forms, and it is Mike's FU finger that adorns the back of the headstock in the 'checkmate' email. Nice one, dood :dude:

Bammer SirPsychoSexy, who invented Forsmy Dykin, provided two great photgraphs in his earlier thread and was a great inspiration. He hasn't posted for a while; I might email this thread to him.

I was chatting to Gary Nattrass at the Newcastle Guitar Show, and mentioned to him that I wanted a really good picture of some Morris Dancers to stand in as 'formation felchers'. Gary just said "I have some pictures of some Morris Dancers in my pub," and duly emailed me the perfect picture. Cheers mate, I can taste that Blacksheep already :p

The late, great Sam, the Ugliest Dog in the World (TM).
http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/uglydog.asp

Obviously, a big hand to Gareth, who owns this awesome guitar and has let me have it on loan for ages. If any of you want to see a better picture of it, it's in the PRS Guitar Book, editions 1 & 2. I really did play shred/jazz on it in a warehouse in London last year, and it's the only guitar that I've been able to play like that on in years.

Thank you to Operator 606 at Western Onion, erm Union, for breaking some rules and letting my transfer through.

And finally, a mention for 'Tracey'/Alexei/Maxim/whatever'. Thank you for being brought up with Russian and the cyrillic alphabet, and therefore being incapable of understanding the humour of phonetic spellings in the latin alphabet (Upper Urrass etc). And thank you for emerging from the shallow end of the gene pool.

Final statement: no dates were tranquilised, no incest indulged in, no transexuals were killed and no dead animals were exhumed during the making of this thread.

:D

[Taller]

<a standing round of applause!!>
:dude: :dude:

[kcnightfang]

This thread is so freaking awesome! I salute you and your efforts to stop Tracey/Alexei/Maxim/???. Let this be a lesson to all scammers and hackers. Tess Tyckle was pure genius and totally hilarious!

I support the motion for a stickie!

[BoyMambo]

Nice one Ian, great thread to follow.

[LHanson]

He has to be frantically scouring the 'net looking for this thread where he's been laid bare and ridiculed. Perhaps knowing that you're posting his replies, he's not going to give you/us the satisfaction of a final reply?
I don't think I would be too surprised if BaM experiences some hack attacks now.....but hey we have Ian Jackson on our side MWHAHAHAHA

Actually, if you Google "Forsmy" you get there at VR.

[QueenCityGuitars]

I just wanted to chime in and say thanks for the 2 months of posts. This is one of the most clever series of postings I've ever read. Not to mention it's ironic that I just received Archtop Artist #30 today. :cool:

[ianj5150]

I just wanted to chime in and say thanks for the 2 months of posts. This is one of the most clever series of postings I've ever read. Not to mention it's ironic that I just received Archtop Artist #30 today. :cool:
Did it arrive in Urr....


No, Ian!! Stop it!!


:)

[SirPsychoSexy]

hhehehehe well done mate, you took it further than i could, a great bait indeed

we should do a joint bait together sometime

[boog204]

I just noticed this thread.... This is honestly one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Mad props to you, Ian. :dude:

[ianj5150]

hhehehehe well done mate, you took it further than i could, a great bait indeed

we should do a joint bait together sometime
I'd *love* to work one with you, mate! That would be just too cool :cool:

[Big Mike]

omg I just stumbled on these scam threads this morning. Where the F was I.

Brilliant. Bloody brilliant!

[mykewright]

omg I just stumbled on these scam threads this morning. Where the F was I.

Brilliant. Bloody brilliant!Frankie, Mike, Jamie, Phil, any other Mods.

Can you make this and all of the other scam threads sticky/valued?

If you need the URLs, I'll be delighted to dig them out/up for you :) (as long as they don't smell :eek: )

[LHanson]

Frankie, Mike, Jamie, Phil, any other Mods.

Can you make this and all of the other scam threads sticky/valued?

If you need the URLs, I'll be delighted to dig them out/up for you :) (as long as they don't smell :eek: )

Maybe a separate archive? Too many stickies kinda messes up the page.

[EVHforPM]

well thats an hour of my life i`ll never get back :)...fantastic thread ian ( Brits have the best sense of humour )...

[bassmanpete]

Have just been directed here from an Australian guitar forum and read through the whole thing - Absolutely Bloody Hilarious. I don't think I could have stood the suspense of following it over 2 months. When's the film coming out :D

It appears that this sort of thing is still going on but with 4WDs being the pirated non-items.

[BeachPirate]

This is all fun and games Ian until you're drinking tea laced with Polonium-201..

OMG I know this is old but that is just funny as hell!!! LMAO

[ianj5150]

Have just been directed here from an Australian guitar forum and read through the whole thing - Absolutely Bloody Hilarious. I don't think I could have stood the suspense of following it over 2 months. When's the film coming out :D

It appears that this sort of thing is still going on but with 4WDs being the pirated non-items.

Blimey, I'm amazed that this is still doing the rounds over a year later. Do you have a link to the Aussie forum?

I'm toying with the idea of condensing the best of the scam threads and making a separate website out of them, but finding the time would be a challenge. Mind you, I found the time to bait the bastids in the first place...

[Dodge]

Blimey, I'm amazed that this is still doing the rounds over a year later.

Oh bugger - I saw this thread reappear and thought there might be yet another chapter! :D

Still my favourite thread here. :cool: